"After spending a petless year with only one child still living at home, my parents visited a breeder and returned with a Great Dane they named Melina. They loved this dog in proportion to its size, and soon their hearts had no room for anyone else. In terms of mutual respect and admiration, their six children had been nothing more than a failed experiment. Melina was the real thing. The house was given over to the dog, rooms redecorated to suit her fancy. Enter your former bedroom and you'd be told, 'You'd better not let Melina catch you in here,' or, 'This is where we come to peepee when there's nobody home to let us outside, right, girl!' The knobs on our dressers were whittled down to damp stumps, and our beds were matted with fine, short hairs. Scream at the mangled leather carcass lying at the foot of the stairs, and my parents would roar with laughter. 'That's what you get for leaving your wallet on the kitchen table.'"
~ David Sedaris, Me Talk Pretty One Day
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